To be honest, I wasn't aware that the first of these entries was a Part One, but after biking to the market today, I couldn't help touch on the subject of wanted and unwanted attention.
Sunday is my "get everything done" day, from grocery shopping to cleaning to taking out the trash to appearance-maintaining - all the things that need to get done to make the week run smoother. I'd already done the aforementioned with the exception of heading down to Trader Joe's via bicycle. Usually I like to be done with shopping by 2pm, but due to other pressing matters (read: sleep) I headed out a little later than intended. I hopped on the bike at around 4:30 pm, noting it was a bit chillier than usual when I noticed two guys on bicycles heading up behind me. I was naturally a little surprised but kept on riding. All of a sudden I heard a distinct "Wooo! Girl, I like your booty! I LIKE YOUR BOOTY!" I made a right on the next street.
Normally this doesn't bother me, but for some reason it did, as it invaded my space. I remember one time being told by some guy as I was mounting my bicycle that my thighs were 'thick and luscious'. My face was flushed out of anger and embarrassment, to be honest. First, no woman likes for her thighs to be described as thick, especially by a stranger. Second, the resulting responsive feeling was not one of flattery. It was eerily akin to the one time my ear was tongued out of left field in a club on New Year's Eve one year - I mean, really! Who was this guy?! Anyway, I eventually made it to Trader Joe's, but when locking up my bicycle I realized I'd left my wallet at home. So I bicycled back, grabbed it, and headed back. By the time I got there, the store had closed. Damn you, Easter Sunday. I didn't even get off of my bicycle.
Turning around, I headed back up the street and decided to sprint it back, just for fun. Rising body temperature cutting through cold air is always a thrilling sensation. Whoops, hollers, and whistles cutting through my euphoric space, however, aren't so much. Considering that I was wearing jeans, a bulky sweater, very little makeup and a helmet, I just don't know how anyone could find me attrac-- wait, let me re-phrase. How do you want me to react, gentlemen? Do you want me to give you my number? Take off my clothes? Drop it like it's hot? I mean, I know that people look, especially on warmer days and in tighter clothing, but I'll take the double-take over anything else any day. But I guess you can't help people, and you can't help what attention you get.
It's just so as;dl;ksflsk;'lk sometimes.
Patton Oswalt Talks Emmys and His Late Wife
1 hour ago