Why I Will Not Be Seeing "The Losers"

(Editor's note: If you haven't noticed already, I - like others - at times have strong, one-sided opinions on things I have no idea about. We all do, but at the same time we are all entitled, as long as we realize this fact. It makes us comfortable. It validates something, I guess. Naturally, most everything stated here is based on opinion and experience. I've never let anything get to the point of personal insult, and believe that in normal circumstances as long this unspoken rule is applied, anyone should be allowed a rant. That said, feel free to continue, and as always please take anything I say with a grain of salt.)

I have so far seen a few films this year that I thoroughly enjoyed - and by "thoroughly enjoyed" I mean that I didn't want to get up and walk around as a result of being antsy and irritated. I'm honestly not the biggest movie person you'll ever meet, but I pick potential favorites like I pick a pair of shoes or someone to get to know better - show me something good and (while never guaranteed) it's possible I'll buy. Favorites I have - Donnie Darko, Fight Club, Eraserhead, Little Miss Sunshine, Coraline and others - just don't ask me to be excited over, I don't know, Hot Tub Time Machine. I won't write it off completely but likely will enough to rent it eventually. There are still a number of films that I intend on seeing this year but as it has stood since I was last a hopeless doting fangirl, unless I expressly show interest I will likely want to do something else.

Therefore, as mentioned, I will not be seeing The Losers, the most obvious reason quite possibly being the trailer. Because of it I've already seen the best parts of the movie, and don't find it logical to spend $15 on a plot I'm no longer interested in seeing unfold. Also, like Wanted before it (the Fight Club rip-off that it is), I honestly can't believe that someone of Zoe Saldana's stature can kick ass in the way that she's supposed to - just like I couldn't believe Angelina Jolie's stunts. Both actresses are effing beautiful, have appealing figures and dirty mouths; I get that - that didn't keep me from laughing so hard during the latter film. I remember having received complaints from the neighbors. I share the same sentiment for Saldana as I did for Jolie: just have sex with the lead already and be done with it.

Aside from the fact that it looks super contrived and unnecessarily over-stylized (advertising is everything), the biggest reason I will not be seeing The Losers - at least in the theater - is because, well, I'd much rather throw my money towards one of these, or perhaps these. I really want new pedals and grips for my bike. Hell, I'd like a bowl of matzoh-ball soup from Greenblatt's or to get either my rook or daith pierced. You know what I'm saying? Any of the aforementioned is likely to be far more pleasurable an experience than sitting through a two-hour bleh-fest. The threat of a kick in the teeth would probably produce more adrenaline. Different strokes for different folks, I guess - and that's all I have to say about that.